I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
