Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
