Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
