I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
