Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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