1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
