Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
