when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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