I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
