Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
