You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
