That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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