This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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