Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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