ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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