Sry I called you an 8
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
