I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Less talking, more tequila
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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