she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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