Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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