How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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