He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
