Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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