ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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