She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its not stalking. its research.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
