Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
