Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
operation harelip BJ is a go
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
