Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
