i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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