they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
