I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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