Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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