okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
