so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
