I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
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Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize