At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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