I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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