meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
