i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
