Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just cut my nipple shaving
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
