Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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