Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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