im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
