If i come over, it means nothing
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
