we're blogging at a bar
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
