My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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