SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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