I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
