You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
