My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
