You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
