Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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