quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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