I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
