Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
