Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
