There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
